Grief and Grieving
The 6 Stages of Grief — What They Actually Mean for Divorce, Job Loss, and Endings
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How to Process a Loss That Changed Everything.
You are grieving.
Not just a person or the relationship… a whole life.
There is no right order
There is no timeline
There is no “done”
There is only:
→ Feel it → Move through it → Build forward from it
This Isn’t Just About Death
When most people hear “grief,” they think funerals. Loss of a loved one. Black clothes and sympathy cards.
But grief shows up in places no one warns you about:
The end of a marriage
A friendship that faded or exploded
A job you lost — or one you had to leave
A colleague who’s suddenly gone
A version of yourself that no longer exists
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the psychiatrist who pioneered grief research, was clear about this. Her work wasn’t just about dying patients. In On Grief and Grieving, she and David Kessler expanded the model to include any significant loss.
The same emotional processes apply.
So if you’re wondering why a divorce, a layoff, or a broken friendship feels this heavy…
It’s because you’re grieving.
The 5 Stages — What They Actually Mean
You’ve probably heard of them:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
But here’s what most people get wrong:
These are not steps. They’re waves.
From On Grief and Grieving:
“The five stages are not meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages… They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss.”
You don’t move through them in order.
You don’t hit all of them.
You can loop back — sometimes in the same hour.
What Each Stage Actually Looks Like
(In Real Life)
1. Denial
“This isn’t really happening.”
What it can look like:
Hoping they’ll come back
Acting like everything’s normal
Avoiding hard conversations
Refreshing their social media
What’s really happening: Your brain is protecting you from shock.
2. Anger
“This is not fair.”
What it can look like:
Blaming them
Blaming yourself
Snapping at people who don’t deserve it
Replaying every conversation
What’s really happening: Pain is rising — and needs somewhere to go.
3. Bargaining
“Maybe if I…”
What it can look like:
“If I had just tried harder…”
Reaching out again and again
Rewriting the past in your head
Trying to negotiate with reality
What’s really happening: You’re trying to regain control.
4. Depression
“This really hurts.”
What it can look like:
Low energy
Loss of interest in things you used to love
Deep sadness that sits in your chest
Feeling stuck or empty
What’s really happening: You’re finally facing the weight of the loss.
5. Acceptance
“This is real. I can move forward.”
What it can look like:
More calm than chaos
Clearer thinking
Small steps forward
Fewer emotional spikes
What’s really happening: You’re learning how to carry it differently.
Why This Kind of Grief Feels So Complicated
When you lose a relationship — whether it’s a marriage, a friendship, or a job — you’re not grieving one thing.
You’re grieving many things at once:
Loss of identity — Who am I without this role?
Loss of routine — What do I do with my time now?
Loss of future — The plans we made are gone.
Loss of shared meaning — The inside jokes, the history, the “us.”
Kübler-Ross described grief as:
“The conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
That’s why you might feel:
Love and anger at the same time
Relief and sadness
Missing them… but not wanting them back
All of that is normal.
You’re Not Doing It Wrong
Let’s be clear about something:
You are not:
Taking too long
Too emotional
Weak
Behind
You are grieving.
And there is no schedule. No checklist. No finish line.
“There is no typical response to loss… because there is no typical loss.”
How It Actually Works
You don’t go 1 → 2 → 3 → 4 → 5.
You go:
2 → 1 → 4 → 3 → 2 → 5 → 4 → 5 → 2…
It loops. It spirals. Some days feel like progress. Some feel like you’re back at the beginning.
That’s not failure. That’s the process.
A Simple Way to Handle Each Wave
When it hits, ask yourself three questions:
What am I feeling? (Name it.)
Where do I feel it? (Body check — chest, throat, stomach?)
What do I need right now? (One small step.)
That’s it. Keep it simple. Don’t try to fix it. Just move through it.
The Long View
Over time:
The waves get less intense
The space between them grows
You start to feel like yourself again
Not the same you.
A new version of you.
The 6th Stage: Meaning
David Kessler, who co-authored On Grief and Grieving with Kübler-Ross, later added a sixth stage:
Meaning.
This is where you ask: What can I do with this?
Growth
Clarity
New direction
Helping others who are walking the same path
It’s not forced. It’s not rushed. It comes later — when you’re ready. This is a “gift” in waiting.
What’s Really Slowing You Down?
Grief is hard enough on its own.
But sometimes there’s something else underneath — a pattern, a block, a loop you can’t seem to break.
If you’re feeling stuck, start here:
👉 Discover What’s Slowing You Down
It’s a short assessment that helps you identify what’s getting in the way — so you can stop spinning and start moving forward.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Processing grief isn’t about white-knuckling your way through.
Sometimes you need space to talk it out. Sometimes you need someone in your corner who gets it.
Here are a few ways we can work together:
What it’s like to work together — and how to know what’s right for you.
[ Learn More ]Free group session — A low-pressure space to get unstuck, ask questions, and hear from others on the same path. This is NOT group therapy or counseling.
[ Join the next one here ]Join The Inner Edge — an 8-week program that builds the one advantage nobody can take from you: your ability to stay calm, clear, and in control.
[ Find Your Inner Edge ]1:1 coaching — Personalized support to work through what’s blocking you and build forward from where you are.
[ Explore your options here ]
There’s a path that fits where you are right now.
The Essential Takeaway
You are grieving.
Not just a person… a whole life.
There is no right order
There is no timeline
There is no “done”
There is only:
→ Feel it
→ Move through it
→ Build forward from it
You’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re in it.
And when you’re ready, there’s a next step waiting.
👉 Take the assessment and find out what’s slowing you down.
Now I’m curious:
What’s one thing that helped you move through a hard season — even just a little?
A habit. A person. A phrase someone said. A small shift.
Drop it below. You never know who needs to hear it today.
If this resonated, share it with someone who’s in it right now.
And subscribe to Lab Notes for more on mental fitness, clarity, and building forward — no matter what you’re carrying.