What To Do When Sh*t Hits the Fan
Your simple playbook to stop emotional spiraling and rest fast
Your first reaction is rarely your best response.
A bad email. Hard conversation. Unexpected expense. Health scare.
Silence from someone you care about.
A deal falls apart. A client says no.
A team member drops the ball.
Someone says something that gets under your skin.
These moments often trigger emotional spirals, overthinking, negative thinking, and reactive behavior.
The problem is not the trigger. The problem is what happens next.
Your stomach drops. Your chest gets tight. Your brain starts sprinting.
And just like that… you’re spiraling.
Sound familiar?
Good.
Because it does to most of us. It’s a signal. And we are human. And humans miss stress signals all the time.
The goal is not to never feel stress.
The goal is to stop stress from driving the bus.
Because when sh*t hits the fan, and it does… your first reaction is usually protection.
Not perspective. Not clarity. Not your best thinking.
That’s why you need a simple playbook.
Why This Matters
When stress hits, most people don’t need more advice. They need a reset.
This guide gives you practical tools to calm down, stop emotional spiraling, manage stress, and make better decisions when life gets messy.
What You’ll Learn
You’ll learn how to:
Stop emotional spiraling
Calm down when overwhelmed
Handle stress more effectively
Respond instead of react
Use STOP, AVP, FAST Reset, and the 5x5 Perspective Reset
Build emotional resilience under pressure
Let’s dive in.
Step 1: STOP
Before you say something dumb.
Before you send the text.
Before you fire off the email.
Before you shut down.
Before you grab your phone and disappear.
🛑 S.T.O.P.
But not a hard stop where you freeze or seize up. Rather, pump your breaks…
S = Slow Down
Interrupt the cruise control (autopilot).
Pause. Take one breath.
Then another. Create space.
Because speed plus emotion usually creates damage. 🤯
T = Think
Ask: What story am I telling myself right now?
Examples:
They’re mad at me.
I screwed this up.
This always happens.
I’m failing.
They don’t respect me.
I’m in trouble.
I’ll never recover.
Thoughts are not facts. Catch the story.
O = Observe
Notice what is happening.
Without judgment.
Ask:
What am I feeling?
Where do I feel it?
What triggered this?
What does my body want to do?
This is awareness.
And awareness is the first gate of change.
P = Process
Now choose your next move.
Not your fastest move. Your best move.
Ask: What helps here?
Sometimes that means action.
Sometimes that means waiting.
Sometimes that means asking for help.
Sometimes that means doing absolutely nothing for 10 minutes.
Processing creates choice.
Choice changes outcomes.
Step 2: Use the AVP Reset
A lot of people try to skip feelings.
Bad move.
Ignored feelings don’t disappear. They get louder.
Use A.V.P. instead.
Acknowledge
Say: Something is happening inside me right now.
Simple. True.
No drama. No shame.
Validate
Say: Of course this makes sense.
Maybe you feel hurt. Angry. Scared.
Embarrassed. Frustrated. Disappointed.
That feeling did not come from nowhere.
Validation does not mean the story is true.
It means your experience makes sense.
Big difference.
Permit
Say: I’m allowed to feel this without becoming this.
That line matters. Because feelings are signals.
Not identity. Not destiny. Not commands.
You can feel anxious without becoming anxiety.
You can feel angry without becoming destructive.
You can feel scared without becoming stuck.
Step 3: Use the 5x5 Perspective Reset
When emotions get loud…Perspective gets small.
Everything feels huge. That’s when you zoom out.
Ask: Will this matter...
5 hours from now?
5 days from now?
5 weeks from now?
5 months from now?
5 years from now?
This is not about dismissing real problems.
It’s about right-sizing them.
Some things matter deeply. Some things feel massive because your nervous system is screaming.
Perspective helps you tell the difference.
Step 4: FAST Reset
Now let’s move from emotion to action.
F = Focus
Ask: What am I actually feeling right now?
Not what you should feel.
What is true?
Examples:
angry
anxious
disappointed
embarrassed
overwhelmed
lonely
frustrated
ashamed
scared
Naming helps.
A = Acknowledge
Say: This feeling makes sense.
This lowers resistance.
Fighting feelings usually makes them stronger.
S = Shift
Ask: What is the opposite of what I’m feeling right now?
Examples:
If you feel:
fear → courage
chaos → calm
confusion → clarity
helpless → capable
shame → self-respect
Now ask: What helps me move one step toward that?
T = Take Action
Ask:
What do I need right now?
What can I do next?
What is one aligned action?
Small beats dramatic. Every time.
Step 5: Charge Up | Use the 5 Accelerators
When stress hits, these help you think like your best self.
1. Empathy
Be kind to yourself.
Talk to yourself like someone worth helping.
Not attacking.
Ask: What would I say to a friend right now?
Then say that to yourself.
2. Curiosity
Get interested. Not judgmental.
Ask:
What is really happening here?
What am I assuming?
What might I be missing?
Curiosity creates energy.
Judgment drains it.
3. Perspective
If you are overwhelmed Zoom in.
If you are lost Zoom out.
Reframe.
Ask:
What matters most here?
Will this matter next month?
Is this a crisis or just discomfort?
Perspective changes pressure.
Co-Create
Don’t isolate. Talk it through.
Ask for input. Brainstorm. Collaborate.
We get weird alone. 🤪
Action + Accountability
Choose the next move. Own it.
Ask: What happens next because of me?
What the next smallest step I could take?
Not someday. Now.
The Real Enemy: Autopilot
Most damage happens fast. Not because you’re weak. Your response muscle is.
Because autopilot is fast. Autopilot does this:
react, defend, avoid, scroll, snap, withdraw,
doom spiral, numb out, people please, overwork, etc…
Your job?
Interrupt the loop.
The Response Gap
Remember this: Stimulus → Awareness + Choice → Response
Something happens. Then comes the gap.
That tiny space between trigger and reaction.
That space changes everything.
That’s where self-command lives. That’s what makes us more response-able.
Real-Life Examples
Bad email from a client
Autopilot: Fire back immediately.
Better: STOP + AVP
Wait 20 minutes. Respond rather than react.
Silence after an important message
Autopilot: “They hate me.”
Better: Curiosity + Perspective
Maybe they’re just busy.
You made a mistake
Autopilot: “I’m an idiot.”
Better: Empathy + Accountability
Fix the issue. Then move on.
*remind me to tell you about recovering from old mistakes
Family conflict
Autopilot: Defend. Escalate. Shut down.
Better: STOP + Perspective + Co-create.
Respond instead of react.
Save This Simple Flow
When sh*t hits the fan:
STOP → AVP → 5x5 → FAST → Charge Up → Aligned Action
That’s the play.
Not perfection.
Practice.
Quick Reflection
Think about your last spiral.
Ask:
What triggered me?
What story did I tell myself?
What did I feel?
What did I do?
What would I do differently now?
That’s growth.
Your turn. I’d love to hear from you.
How do you stop the spiral?
What Comes Next?
Stopping the spiral is powerful.
But if you keep repeating the same loop… you need systems.
Not just interventions.
That’s next.
Because reacting better is helpful.
Living better is better.
Next: How to Stop Repeating the Same Self-Sabotage Loops →
You’ll be notified when the next article drops
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop emotional spiraling?
Start by slowing down.
Use STOP.
Then name what you feel.
Feelings move faster when acknowledged than when ignored.
The goal is not to instantly feel better.
The goal is to stop making things worse.
What should I do when I feel overwhelmed?
Pause.
Overwhelm usually means too much emotional noise and not enough clarity.
Ask:
What is true?
What matters most?
What is one next step?
Small action restores control.
How do I calm down fast?
Try this:
breathe slowly
name the feeling
validate the feeling
use the 5x5 perspective reset
move your body
avoid making immediate emotional decisions
Fast calm comes from interrupting the stress loop.
Why do I react before I think?
Because your nervous system is designed for survival.
Fast reaction once kept humans safe.
The problem is modern stress often triggers the same ancient response.
Awareness helps create space between trigger and reaction.
That space gives you choice.
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Heck, share this with your friends and family too.
What relationship is costing you the most right now?
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