Good intentions can hijack everyday conversations. Here’s how to catch it before the drama wastes more time and energy.
Where my parents at?
Here's what parent drama looks like:
Hero: Overhelps, overreminds, and steps in before the child gets the chance to struggle, learn, and recover.
Villain: Corrects, lectures, threatens, or blames when the same issue keeps happening.
Victim: Feels powerless and says, “Nothing works,” “They never listen,” or “I have to do everything around here.”
⚠️ High-Achievers are NOT IMMUNE to the drama triangle 🚫
🦸♀️ Hero: Takes on too much. Fixes everything. Helps everyone. Then quietly burns out.
🦹♀️ Villain: Turns the pressure inward. “I should be better.” “I’m falling behind.” “This isn’t good enough.”
🪤 Victim: Feels trapped by the workload, the expectations, or the success they worked so hard to create.
Leadership has it's share of drama too...
Leader as Hero: Solves every problem, rescues the team, and becomes the bottleneck.
Leader as Villain: Uses pressure, blame, control, or criticism when results fall short.
Team as Victim: Waits for direction, avoids ownership, and says, “No one told me,” or “I wasn’t allowed.”
This is what Buyer / Seller drama looks like:
Seller as Hero: Jumps in too fast. Gives free consulting. Tries to “save” the deal instead of helping the buyer own the decision.
Buyer as Victim: Says, “We don’t have the budget,” “Leadership won’t approve it,” or “Now isn’t the right time.”
Either side as Villain: Blames procurement, pricing, the product, the process, or the other person when trust gets low.
The Drama Triangle shows up everywhere.
In sales calls.
Leadership meetings.
High-achievers’ heads.
And conversations between parents and kids.
It might be the most useful thing nobody taught us in school.
Three roles:
Victim
Villain
Hero
Here’s the part that got me:
Most of us don’t pick one role and stay there.
We rotate through all three, sometimes in the same conversation.
You start by trying to help.
They push back.
Now you feel attacked.
You get defensive.
Then you fire back.
In less than 60 seconds, the Hero becomes the Victim, then the Villain.
And neither person realizes what just happened.
That is how a seller starts rescuing a deal.
How a leader becomes the bottleneck.
How a high-achiever turns pressure inward.
How a parent goes from helping to lecturing.
I break this down much deeper in the article.
But the first step is simple:
Notice when you’ve stepped onto the triangle.
The sneaky part? We can move through all three roles in one conversation.
That’s why the better question is not, “Who is the problem?”
It’s: What role am I playing right now?
Where my parents at?
Here's what parent drama looks like:
Hero: Overhelps, overreminds, and steps in before the child gets the chance to struggle, learn, and recover.
Villain: Corrects, lectures, threatens, or blames when the same issue keeps happening.
Victim: Feels powerless and says, “Nothing works,” “They never listen,” or “I have to do everything around here.”
⚠️ High-Achievers are NOT IMMUNE to the drama triangle 🚫
🦸♀️ Hero: Takes on too much. Fixes everything. Helps everyone. Then quietly burns out.
🦹♀️ Villain: Turns the pressure inward. “I should be better.” “I’m falling behind.” “This isn’t good enough.”
🪤 Victim: Feels trapped by the workload, the expectations, or the success they worked so hard to create.
Leadership has it's share of drama too...
Leader as Hero: Solves every problem, rescues the team, and becomes the bottleneck.
Leader as Villain: Uses pressure, blame, control, or criticism when results fall short.
Team as Victim: Waits for direction, avoids ownership, and says, “No one told me,” or “I wasn’t allowed.”
This is what Buyer / Seller drama looks like:
Seller as Hero: Jumps in too fast. Gives free consulting. Tries to “save” the deal instead of helping the buyer own the decision.
Buyer as Victim: Says, “We don’t have the budget,” “Leadership won’t approve it,” or “Now isn’t the right time.”
Either side as Villain: Blames procurement, pricing, the product, the process, or the other person when trust gets low.
The Drama Triangle shows up everywhere.
In sales calls.
Leadership meetings.
High-achievers’ heads.
And conversations between parents and kids.
It might be the most useful thing nobody taught us in school.
Three roles:
Victim
Villain
Hero
Here’s the part that got me:
Most of us don’t pick one role and stay there.
We rotate through all three, sometimes in the same conversation.
You start by trying to help.
They push back.
Now you feel attacked.
You get defensive.
Then you fire back.
In less than 60 seconds, the Hero becomes the Victim, then the Villain.
And neither person realizes what just happened.
That is how a seller starts rescuing a deal.
How a leader becomes the bottleneck.
How a high-achiever turns pressure inward.
How a parent goes from helping to lecturing.
I break this down much deeper in the article.
But the first step is simple:
Notice when you’ve stepped onto the triangle.
The sneaky part? We can move through all three roles in one conversation.
That’s why the better question is not, “Who is the problem?”
It’s: What role am I playing right now?